Wicked Little Things by J.S Cardone [2006]

Title: Wicked Little Things
Director: J.S. Cardone
Starring: Scout Taylor-Compton, Lori Heuring, Chloe Moretz
Runtime: 94 minutes
Year: 2006
Source: Zip.ca

We are first introduced to recent widow, Karen [Heuring] and her two daughters Sarah [Scout Taylor-Compton of Rob Zombie's Halloween] and Emma [Chloe Moretz]. After her husband's death, Karen has little in way of finances and options, but she does have the deed to an old house from the family he never spoke about.

Old, dark inherited house? Check. Hot chick? Check. Zombies? Check. Sounds familiar. A plus being the zombies are children but they are also just wearing some fancy black attire and white face paint. Although, they do get elbow deep in some raw flesh of the human variety, that's a good sign, right?

There really isn't anything all that new here, but who needs originality anyways? I'm not even sure if the word zombie can even be applied here. They lack the whole aimless wondering for flesh take we see so often. They don't even eat everything in sight, either. Zombies on a mission!

A sweet neat shot was when a few of the still breathing characters are standing on the main floor of a house while a not so fortuante character is upstairs being pulled apart and eaten. As they stand listening to the events above, the blood drips through the old wooden floors covering them. Great shot. And talk about a creepy prank to pull while crashing at an old cottage. Ideas, ideas...

Not recommended.

j.

Deathwatch by Michael J. Bassett [2002]

Title: Deathwatch
Director: Michael J. Bassett
Starring: Jamie Bell, Rúaidhrí Conroy, Mike Downey
Runtime: 94 minutes
Year: 2002
Source: Generation X Video

Deathwatch starts out with a bunch of British soldiers stumbling unto an almost empty trench. All that remains is a few German soldiers on the verge of death with a few warnings of their own. The setting is WW1 wartime full of mud, fog, rain, and the smell of death.

The British boys had just been through a night of hell leaving them lost and alone. They decide to secure the trench and camp out there until they can reach help. Before long they come to realize they just might not be alone. Someone or something is in the supposed secured trench with them.

We've seen most of the characters in other films before, as they tend to cover every soldier stereotype possible, which isn't really all that bad. But not all to original, either. The location is dead on, the trench itself is one of the movies winning points. It's quite disgusting. There is dead bodies all over in various degrees of decomp, the whole place is soaked muddy water, with rats and other gross little creatures running around. Sounds lovely, I wonder what they charge for rent?

My main issue with this release is all the aimless wandering, seeming to go nowhere. Too much time spent on nothing is time that could be better spent. Also, maybe because this sort of play out has been done over and over again, I found it to be a little too predictable. Not to deep into the film and you've pretty much got it all figured out. Leaves for little to look forward too, also the scare level is not too high. There is some really good intense moments, but they tend to be cut short.

I would suggest you check this out if you are a fan of wartime movies in general, otherwise I'd say skip it.

Half-ass recommended.


j.

Beyond the Wall of Sleep by Barrett J. Leigh & Thom Maurer [2006]

Title: Beyond the Wall of Sleep
Director: Barrett J. Leigh & Thom Maurer
Starring: Fountain Yount, Greg Fawcett, William Sanderson
Runtime: 84 minutes
Year: 2006
Source: Generation X Video

According to the box, this little number is based on the short story of the same name by H.P Lovecraft. I really don't see how, but I guess not many directors can bring story to film and make it a success.

I don't even really know how to give you a rundown on this release. The first 40 minutes or so are all over the place. Shortly you come to realize the main setting is an Asylum filled with crazy patients and even more crazy Doctors and an intern wearing a terrible dollar store wig. There is no 'good guy' or 'bad guy', it's all just a bunch of inbred hillbillies, some just happen to be wearing white coats and have the upper hand in the whack job experiments happening.

Some parts are so over the top you can't help but laugh, while other parts are too out there and confusing it's hard to follow [or care to make the effort]. I'm sure there is a legion of fans, simply due to the Lovecraft connection. But if someone can point out a good reason to give this another viewing [the bad boob job doesn't count, wasn't worth seeing the first time around] then I will pop it back in.

The ending has some good laughs, but not worth picking up... no matter how cheap the cost.

Not recommended.


j.

The Nun by Luis de la Madrid [2005]

Title: The Nun
Director: Luis de la Madrid
Starring: Anita Briem, Cristina Piaget, Alistair Freeland
Runtime: 105 minutes
Year: 2005
Source: Generation X Video

Yet again, I am fooled by a rad looking DVD cover. Damn it.

Here's a movie based around a nun who is hellbent on getting revenge on her former students that killed her. Known for enforcing strict rules and washing away sin with hardcore punishment, Sister Ursula kicks all sorts of ass.

Her students, not to stoked on the treatment they are recieving, drown her and toss her body into a lake of holy water. Years later Sister Ursula is back. Yes, this movie is as predictable as it already sounds.

I guess in an attempt to pull the Scream generation into the movie threater the director decided to add a bunch of teenagers into the otherwise adult cast. The teenagers feature Eve, daughter of the first student killed. She catches a quick glimpse of a ghostly nun when she walks in on her dying mother. Somehow she sees it to be a bright idea to drag her friends into the mess.

Like I mentioned, this movie is all sorts of predictable. If they were to avoid the teen aspect and focus more on the stronger parts of the movie [the theme behind the killings, boarding school scenes, the adults that became background co-stars, and the nun herself] then we may of had a winner. Instead, we got another dose of I Know What You Did Last Summer mixed in with a small bit of The Davinci Code. The ending provides a nice twist, too bad it takes too long to get there.

Not recommended.


j.

Dark Angel: The Ascent by Linda Hassani [1994]

Title: Dark Angel: The Ascent
Director: Linda Hassani
Starring: Angela Featherstone, Cristina Stoica, Daniel Markel
Runtime: 81 minutes
Year: 1994
Source: Scream Television

Welcome to quite the strange little gem of a movie.

Basically, Veronica [Featherstone] is a demon living the high life in Hell, all while wanting to walk on the earth above. Her parents, an overly religious mother [?!] and a 9-5 punishment giving father serving Satan. I wonder how they met? MySpace? They seem to compromise by saying grace [?!] prior to munching on the flesh of the damned.

Although forbidden to leave the gates of hell, Veronica finds a passage way that brings her to a downtown district? When she walks the earth her tail, horn, and other demon bargain shop accessories vanish and she's left standing naked. A good looking enough young Doctor happens to be learing out his window and notices her. Right away she's hit by a car [still naked] and the young Doctor Max treats her minor bruises. As he's using his stethoscope to listen to her heart beat, get this, he hears the cries of the damned being punished in hell. How cool is that? I'd offer her a record contract, asap.

Once Veronica wakes up, Max seems to take it upon himself to make sure she is truly ok and offers his bedroom. Within no time they are busy banging by day, and Veronica is out slaying the bad people of their city. Oh, I forgot to mention, when Veronica crossed over she brought her adorable German Sheppard doggie, Hellraiser with her. As she's hunting down the damned, Hellraiser cleans up and enjoys the organs. Veronica is so kind to even bring him home leftovers for the next morning! None of which our not-to-smart doctor can seem to piece together initially.

Once Veronica lets her true self be known, during sex of course when she transforms, Max couldn't seem to care less. He still falls in love with her, how inspiring. The ending is a little Brady Bunch, which just adds to the laughs.

As cheesy as it may be, Dark Angel is fun. I'm not so sure the director was going for the comedy aspect, but it makes the film.

Recommended.


j.

Dark Waters by Mariano Baino [1994]

Title: Dark Waters [also known as Dead Waters]
Director: Mariano Baino
Starring: Louise Salter, Louise Salter, Mariya Kapnist
Runtime: 94 minutes
Year: 1994
Source: Generation X Video

What better way to spend the holidays than watching films full of religious iconography?

We are early on introducted to Elizabeth [Louise Salter], a young lady first landing on a small island that is home to a small but creepy convent. After her father recently passed away she is on a mission to first find out why he's been sending these nuns money and to seek information about her friend that recently visited and went missing. Also, an interesting tibit of information, her mother died giving birth to her on that same island. Personally, I'd stay clear for those three reasons as opposed to showing up in the middle of the night.

Nuns and blood, tons of it right from the get go, pretty much makes for a sure thing. The visuals are awesome, occasionally a bit dark [crappy in the lighting department], but almost always entertaining. The atmosphere is right on point and makes you believe what you are viewing, even with all the crazy nuns running around.

Maybe it's from spending the majority of my schooling in the roman catholic school board, but anything religion based tends to suck me in. All those religion classes and lectures gave me an advantage in all the jargon often tossed around, as good or bad as that may be. This is a title worth picking up, just make sure you grab the NoShame release as it's apparently is the best on the quality side of things.

Recommended.


j.

976-EVIL by Robert Englund [1989]

Title: 976-EVIL
Director: Robert Englund
Starring: Robert Picardo, Stephen Geoffreys, Patrick O'Bryan
Runtime: 92 minutes
Year: 1989
Source: Scream Television

When I saw this was directed by Robert Englund [Freddy!] I was pleasantly surprised. I didn't even know he directed anything at all [he's actually working on a new title].

976-EVIL is supposedly the number to a horrorscope hotline that is actually the product of Satan. He uses the line to get regular mortals to do some dirty deeds for him. The two main characters would be cousins Spike [Patrick O'Bryan] and and Hoax [Stephen Geoffreys]. Spike being the bad boy next door and Hoax being your typical pocket protecter nerd. Hoax can never get the girl, accomplish anything or seem to get out of the spotlight of the local bullies- while Spile is the exact opposite. Luckily for Hoax, Spike is a nice guy and saves his ass a few times.

The boys get a number that originally just gives them some creepy fortunes, but soon Hoax discovers it's the line to Satan. Lucky for him, he soon gets some supernatural powers as a result of calling it and use his new strenght to get revenge on all of the bullies that tormented him. The build up, transformation, and story in general are all slow moving.

Unfortuantly, after taking so long to get to the goods, it falls flat in delivering. The ending has no big finale. And when the beginning, middle, and ending have nothing all that noteworthy... no real point in sitting it out.

Not recommended.


j.

Willard by Glen Morgan [2003]

Title: Willard
Director: Glen Morgan
Starring: Crispin Glover, R. Lee Ermey, Laura Harring
Runtime: 100 minutes
Year: 2003
Source: Scream Television


I never saw the 1971 original Willard, so I had nothing to compare this too [which is usually for the better].

Crispin Glover does a fabulous job as Willard. He's creepy, yet charming. He's quite the loner, but half the college girls I know would still do him.

Rats creep me out, always have, and these little co-stars are no different. They serve as Willard's little soldiers, out to do whatever he wishes. Willard has no real motivation in life, his boss [his late father's business partner] has no love for him at all and treats him as such.

Once Willard comes into contact with the rats, it kind of gives you that warm, gushy feeling to see how he interacts with then. This socially awkward man finally finds companionship in an army of furry friends. Even as he stands at the head of his mothers corpse, he seems to feel more for his dear rats.

The dark comedy aspects are what carry Willard for the most part. At times extremely slow and sorta boring, but the good make up for it. If it wasn't for Crispin Glover, this would easily be a disaster. Someone, give that boy some candy for a job well done.

Recommended.


j.

Rise: Blood Hunter by Sebastian Gutierrez [2007]

Title: Rise: Blood Hunter
Director: Sebastian Gutierrez
Starring: Lucy Liu
Runtime: 122 minutes
Year: 2007
Source: Blockbuster

I like Lucy Liu. She's hot, usually kicks ass, and I have a crush on her. With the mention that Rise:Blood Hunter had a few boob shots featuring Ms. Liu, why resist?

Maybe the fact that their is a ton of vampire movies, rarely anything coming out recently worth renting. Or that I had heard not a single good thing on this release could of been an alarm not to waste the rental fee. But no, I went with the gut feeling that Ms. Liu wouldn't let me down.

Oh, how I was wrong.

If you've ever watched a vampire movie, read a book on the topic, or even caught a late night showing of some amature blood sucking movie, then really- no need to venture here. As this so-called plot rips on everything previously released and fails hard.

We start out with reporter Sadie [Liu] who ends up undead in the morgue after publishing an article on the local goth kids. I guess 'real' vampires still pick up the paper daily, what caring members of the community. Apparently if you wake up in the morgue, don't try to find out how or why you are there, just put it all together within moments and realize you are a vampire, it's the only logical explaination...? Then set out on a quest to kill those responsible, with a drunken slob of a cop as a sidekick? I must mention that Sadie is also the weakest vampire ever to grace my tv, she gets her ass handed to her by mere mortals? Someone obviously failed at The Vampire School of Kicking Ass. This story is all to predictable and lacking anything worth watching. I wish I could point out something positive to say... but even the 'good' parts are close to terrible.

Not recommended.

j.


ps. - The season 2 finale of Dexter just makes the idea of waiting for season 3 equal to sawing my ears off. Hurry up, please.
- I Am Legend was above decent. The good outweighed the bad, but the bad was really bad. No review- as it's been reviewed to death all over the net. :)

Santa's Slay by David Steiman [2005]

Title: Santa's Slay
Director: David Steiman
Starring: Bill Goldberg, Douglas Smith, Dave Thomas
Runtime: 78 minutes
Year: 2005
Source: Scream Television

I can't believe I watched three movies this past week with a killer Santa as the main character. At least this this one was far superior in the comedy department than the last one Silent Night, Deadly Night 2.

The idea behind this picture is that Santa is far from being Mr. Good Guy, but instead in the son of Satan. He ends up losing a game of curling to an angel leaving his debt being to spend 1000 years delivering presents to the deserving children of the world. Once those 1000 years are up, he's hellbent on getting revenge against that angel, as well any anyone he comes into contact with [deli shop cashier or strip club customers, either way, blood is blood] and Santa does a fabulous job delivering the kills, laughing all the way.

The supporting cast does a top notch job too. The slighlty crazy grandpa [Robert Culp] and his grandson [Douglas Smith] who seem to be the only ones in the know are both hilarious and pass off plenty of one liners worth pulling out during the holidays. The icing on the cake is this is no serial killer throwing on a Santa suit, but rather Santa himself about to decapitate you. It's a nice touch and if I actually supported the idea of more killer Santa movies, I'd suggest that as the route to go. [ But please, no more.]

The kill count is pretty high, plus they are done in fun and creative ways for the most part. Who could of guessed Bill Goldberg [of the WWE] would be good in a slasher movie like this? Not this kid.

The attention to detail in most shots and especially Santa's viking inspired suit just raises the bar. This is for you if you can take a good joke and like some humour with your blood splater.

Recommended.

j.

Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 by Lee Harry [1987]

Title: Silent Night, Deadly Night 2
Director: Lee Harry
Starring: Eric Freeman, James Newman, Elizabeth Kaitan
Runtime: 88 minutes
Year: 1987
Source: Zip.ca

Since I really enjoyed Silent Night, Deadly Night why not give the sequel a shot? It made for a short movie since you can easily fast forward the majority of the first half of the movie. It's nothing but footage from the first film with little clips of the present movie. Shouldn't it be the opposite?


Once you are about 40 minutes in the movie finally starts and the few kills are done decent enough. It's when it gets to Ricky throwing on the Santa suit and confronting Mother Superior when things peak...? Although, it's a weak one at that. How does he just slash people non-stop, but an 80 year old retired nun who's in a wheelchair and suffered a stoke able to outrun him repeatedly? Oh movies, you continue to defy the laws of the world.

Not recommended.

j.

Silent Night, Deadly Night by Charles E. Sellier Jr. [1984]

Title: Silent Night, Deadly Night
Director: Charles E. Sellier Jr.
Starring: Robert Brian Wilson, Lilyan Chauvin
Runtime: 85 minutes
Year: 1984
Source: Zip.ca

I've never been much of a fan of Christmas, and even more so, never really a fan of Christmas inspired movies. But a while back the Mad Mad Mad Mad Movies blog convienced me to add this little gem to my queue.

In short, this movie ruled.

We start out with Santa Claus killing the cashier at a poor mans Kwik-E-Mart for a measly $31. The North Pole must not pay that much.

We then meet a young boy named Billy getting schooled on all things naughty from his crazy old half-dead grandfather to his way to happy mommy dearest. His family is on a roadtrip for the holidays when his jolly daddy decides to stop to help a stranded Santa. Not so smart, as he put a few in his chest and slit the thoat of his wife. How's that for Happy Holidays?

Billy and his little brother Ricky are left untouched... and without parents. The movie then fast forwards a few years to show the boys living at St. Mary's Orphanage with a few not-so-nice nuns. As the years pass, Billy shows more and more hatred for St. Nick and the whole Christmas time of year. The head nun, Mother Superior, uses her own unconventional forms of punishment to discipline him.

Once Billy grows up he ends up working at a toy shop and surprise, surprise ends up being assigned the role of Santa. And this, my friends, is when the killing spree begins.

I feel like a jackass that I never cared to pick this up before, as it's damn good. The music is extremely present in almost every scene, so many tits with teenage hormones running wild, and the kills are fun too. Let's all hang a body on a set of antlers on the deer head in the livingroom! Woohooo.

Apparently this movie caused tons of controversy when it was first released for having a killer Santa Claus and displaying nuns in a not-so-nice way. I'm sure when the remake gets released, it'll get no flack for those things, with us living in the days of Saw and all that supposed 'torture porn', a killer Santa is no biggie.

I think this is one to show to the young kids during our family get together this Christmas Eve, as we are related, I'm sure they'll adore it.

Highly recommended.

j.

Habit by Larry Fessenden [1997]

Title: Habit
Director: Larry Fessenden
Starring: Larry Fessenden, Meredith Snaider
Runtime: 112 minutes
Year: 1997
Source: Generation X Video

We start out being introduced to Sam [Fessenden], a mexican restaurant manager and 24/7 alcoholic. He's so far failing hard in life, his leading lady just left him, plus he's not the best looking boy on the block. Introduce Anna [Snaider], a cocky little lady who's also quite the hottie. For some bizarre reason she sets her eyes on Sam, the two then proceed to bang out like little bunnies. Repeatly. Actually the bang out sessions tend to take up a good chunk of the movie. Bang out, suck blood, sleep, hung over... repeat. Fun, eh? No wonder Larry cast himself in his movie, he gets to get naked with quite the hottie.


This movie has been recommended to me about 4 times, so when I saw it on the shelf at Gen X, I had to rent it. I kinda wanna kick those that recommended it to me, or at least toss rotten vegetables at them. It was tough to watch this start to finish and took a few attempts to finish it off. That kind of speaks volumes, right?

Not recommended.

j.

ps. Still sick. But I went back to work today[been off since Friday!], so that's a plus, right? I'll catch up on BlogLand, comments, and related goodness later. In the meantime, bring me some soup? :)

I Know Who Killed Me by Chris Sivertson [2007]

Title: I Know Who Killed Me
Director: Chris Sivertson
Starring: Lindsay Lohan
Runtime: 105 minutes
Year: 2007
Source: Work

Being sick and heavily medicated leaves me to watch anything laying around, against my better judgement. At least this is my excuse for watching I Know Who Killed Me.

Lindsay Lohan played the role of Aubrey Fleming, a smart pianist/writer? She's well liked and a typical 'good girl' who is polite and doesn't put out. Talk about a tough time Ms. Lohan must of had to pull that off.

Right after the local football team [fronted by Aubrey's boyfriend] takes the win, they all head out for a night on the town. Somehow in the crowd, Aubrey gets seperated from her friends and goes missing.

This is following the recent discovery of a body of a girl that went missing a few weeks prior. She is found with various limbs missing and seemed to of drowned. In no time Aubrey's body is found and missing a few body parts of her own. Except Aubrey is claiming to be someone entirely different, she's claiming to be a stripper named Dakota.

The movie isn't all that believable, nor is it really all that likable. At times, they shove information at you, at other times it's slow paced and drawn out but for no real reason. I must say, Lohan is an alright actress, especially during the torture scenes [which by the way are straight up punch-in-the-gut torture] and I think if given the proper role, she might excel with this whole acting thing.

The end is kind is kind of messy and the loose ends aren't all tied up. But by the time you are half way done the movie, you are laughing at the terrible way it's all laid out. Quite a few "Are you serious?" moments followed by more laughter.

But hey, if you really hate Lohan [which is silly], you can see her cry and scream out in pain and with a gruesome amputation that's done in quite the unique way. On the other hand, if you really like Lohan and want to see her strip for a few minutes at a time even if the stripclub scenes are boring and PG13, which could of been it's only saving grace in the eyes of some.

Not recommended.

j.

The Gathering by Brian Gilbert [2002]

Title: The Gathering
Director: Brian Gilbert
Starring: Christina Ricci, Kerry Fox, Steven Dillane
Runtime: 92 minutes
Year: 2002
Source: Generation X Video

Why this is being marketed as a horror is beyond me. I'd file it under the way to boring thriller section, personally.

The movie opens up with two teenagers running up a hill, only to fall into a crack[?] and die. Yup. Fun, huh? Seems as though they fell into the middle of an old church that was covered years ago.

As this is going on, Cassie [Ricci] is wandering through England on foot when she is hit by a car. Once she wakes up, she's without any memory of who she is, where she is from, or why she is in England [as her accent clearly reveals she's from America]. The women who hit her, Marion [Fox], feels terrible so she invites Cassie to stay with her family at their place.

The father of the family is Simon [Dillane], an art historian who is currently examining the church mentioned above. Sounds weak and boring, doesn't it? Cause it surely is.

Cassie starts to have these visions of the people around her being killed off. The visions are neat enough, I guess, but too bad the actual deaths don't live up to them, nor does the time between them. The story is easy to follow if you can keep your eyes open. No wonder it took the studio 5 years to release this. I like Christina Ricci enough, she's cute enough in that geeky kind of way but damn, that girl brings death to the majority of the films she is in. Go back to the Casper days, little lady.

Not recommended.

j.


ps. I've been sick all weekend and still am, hence the lack of updates. Watched a few movies but all of them complete stinkers. More updates soon, ha. :)

Kill, Baby... Kill! by Mario Bava [1966]

Title: Kill, Baby... Kill!
Director: Mario Bava
Starring: Giacomo Rossi-Stuart, Erica Blanc
Runtime: 85 minutes
Year: 1966
Source: Zip.ca

I've had this disc sitting on my computer desk for the last two weeks and everytime I popped it in, I was pulled away to do something else. Finally, I was able to sit back and finish it off start to finish, thankfully.

I'm not too familiar with Mario Bava's work, of course I've seen his name mentioned in multiple interviews and credited as a great influence. But I've yet to actually sit back and watch his movies back-to-back, such a shame. This being only the second Bava film I've seen [the first being Black Sabbath] but totally sucked me in. I feel kind of guilty for not hunting down his titles before.

This movie starts out with Dr. Paul Eswai [Giacomo Rossi-Stuart] being called in to a small town to perform an autopsy on a girl that had the misfortune to land on the sharp end of a pointy fence. After meeting one of the prettiest actresses ever, Monica [Erica Blanc], he starts the autopsy only to find a coin stuck in the womens heart. Slightly odd, don't you think?

Before long Eswai comes to realize the whole town is cracked and suspicious deaths isn't really all that rare in their end of the woods. This doctor likes to earn his paycheck, I suppose, and decides to toss on his investigator hat to find out just what all in going on in this little town. All signs point to this secluded estate where a young girl named Melissa was killed off some 20+ years ago. Creeep. The towns people seem to not like the Doctor getting all up in their business, but as he persists, well... I can't go ruining the movie for you, now can I?

The real winning aspect to this movie is all the attention to detail. Every shot is creepy, the sound effects rule and bring you into the moment, so even if nothing is actually happening on screen, your at the edge of your seat waiting for it. My attention is hard to hold at times, but Bava did so easily.

Highly recommended.

j.

ps. I just read the feature on The Girl Next Door in the latest issue of Rue Morgue magazine. I'm on a hunt tomorrow to find it in stores [came out on DVD Dec. 4th]. Sounds really good, initially I first thought it would be just another 'torture porn' attempt, but apparently that's the exact opposite of what the director was going for. Go check out the trailer.

Also, today I picked up the info and photo intensive book Horror Films by Alan Frank [first published in 1977] at a used book shop for $5. Sweet find.

The Howling by Joe Dante [1981]

Title: The Howling
Director: Joe Dante
Starring: Dee Wallace, Patrick Macnee, Belinda Balaski
Runtime: 91 minutes
Year: 1981
Source: AMC/cable

If you want to watch a really rad werewolf transformation then this is for you. If you care to see a werewolf serial killer... then why haven't you seen this yet? The Howling has been on my list of movies to watch for a while, just haven't got around to actually picking it up.

Starts out with an anchorwoman meeting up with a serial killer, only to suffer amnesia afterwards. Her doctor, obviously on the crack pipe, then sends her out to a relaxation resort [that happens to have more than a handful of werewolves calling the place home].

Overall, this is just a really strong werewolf story, with good characters, decent enough effects, and a werewolf sex scene to boot. How could you not love it? The gore level isn't high up there and at times the movie is a bit slow, but really, it all comes together quite well. A few of the supporting actors really need to re-think their mission in life, as acting is obviously not it, but I guess that's why they are supporting and I can't even think of another film they are in?

Don't care to give out anymore details, but go pick this up, even just for the werewovles themselves. Don't tell anyone, but I'm pretty certain they even creeped me out a wee bit.

Recommended.

j.

Horror of the Blood Monsters by Al Adamson [1970]

Title: Horror of the Blood Monsters
Director: Al Adamson
Starring: John Carradine, Robert Dix, Vicki Volante
Runtime: 85 minutes
Year: 1970
Source: Zip.ca

This movie gets one big Wtf? For one, it has a zillion titles. I don't think re-releasing a movie multiple times under various titles is really going to generate that much more revenue. Also, it seems like there is various movies all kind of sliced up and mashed together to make this craptastic piece.

It was more than difficult to sit and watch the whole thing, although some parts [like the beginning] were so bad they were kind of good? Just skip the terrible parts for a few so bad it's good parts, but even then, it's not really worth the effort.

Not recommended.

j.

Unrest by Jason Todd Ipson [2006]

Title: Unrest
Director: Jason Todd Ipson
Starring: Corri English, Scot Davis, Joshua Alba
Runtime: 88 minutes
Year: 2006
Source: Generation X Video

There is two things that irk the hell out me when it comes to movies - useless love plots added in and terrible music. Sadly for Unrest, it has both.

However, Unrest also features plenty of medical scenes [my weakness], well done dead bodies, and overall I like the way it was filmed. If it wasn't for the actual characters, I may of really liked this film. But last time I checked, they tend to need characters for movies? Eh, whatever. The dead bodies ruled and medical jargon melts my itty bitty heart [I really need to store a medical student in my closet to satisfy that need].

The love scenes were pointless and all it ever does is turn an otherwise strong character into a silly, useless twat. The humour was pure shit and the score almost made me fast forward parts.

Overall, I'd say skip this, unless you really like dead bodies... but if you do, keep it on the downlow, people tend to think that's strange. ;)

Half-assed recommended.

j.

Gravedancers by Mike Mendez [2006]

Title: The Gravedancers
Director: Mike Mendez
Starring: Dominic Purcell, Josie Maran, Clare Kramer, Marcus Thomas
Runtime: 95 minutes
Year: 2006
Source: Generation X Video

Since my fellow movie bloggers gave this raving recommendations, how could I need go out and rent it? And thankfully, they are on point, as this was easily the best out of last years After Dark Horrorfest. Which isn't to say it's absolutely amazing, but the best among it's peers.

First, I gotta say, the ghosts looked amazing. Happy, smiling ghosts doing everything in their power to kick your ass for disrespecting theirs? Awesome. Far superior to the moody, miserable jerkoff ghost that tries to teach you a lesson [like 95% of ghost movies].

This little bad boy starts out with three friends celebrating the life of a dead friend by dancing on graves[?] after downing a few too many. They picked the wrong corpses to piss off, as they happened to be a bitter axe murderer, a wee little kid addicted to starting fires [with you in it], and a sadistic rapist with a good boy exterior.

Along the way of trying to save their asses they team up with some slighlty annoying paranormal investigators. I wonder if that position exists in the real world? Cause I surely wouldn't mind telling people the exact opposite of what to do just to watch them die. [I know, I know... I'm going to hell].

There's a reason this is the most recommended features out of the Horrorfest films from last year. The ghosts carry the movie, they have more of a story than the actual 'victims' and keeps you rooting for the bad guys.

Recommended.

j.

Family by John Landis [2006]

Title: Family
Director: John Landis
Starring: George Wendt, Meredith Monroe, Matt Keeslar
Runtime: 58 minutes
Year: 2006
Source: Generation X Video

Who doesn't miss Cheers? George Wendt [Norm of Cheers fame] stars as Mr. Boring Neighbour Next Door who kind of wants to melt all your skin off and arrange your bones in overly tacky outfits. Sweet.

As slow moving as this movie creeped along at times, and with terrible supporting actors, I got quite a few laughs out of it anyway. I kind of need a new set of grandparents, so I may take a few pointers , too. Educational and entertaining? Win-win!

This is one of those movies where I can't really tell you jack all without spoiling the whole thing. Not that I don't already drop enough spoilers almost daily, but this one I'll leave you in the dark about. Go rent it, prepare yourself for a few slow moving bits, but overall it's fairly decent.

Wendt carries the whole movie, so if you don't find him entertaining, then you shouldn't rush out to pick it up. The Masters of Horror series has been full of hits and misses, so for some I'm sure this goes on the misses pile, but I enjoyed it. And well, I'm all about force feeding you my opiniong, ha.

Recommended.

j.

Penny Dreadful by Richard Brandes [2006]

Title: Penny Dreadful
Director: Richard Brandes
Starring: Rachel Miner, Mimi Rogers, Mickey Jones
Runtime: 92 minutes
Year: 2006
Source: Generation X Video

I don't really get the whole 8 Films to Die For bit, seriously what was so gruesome in this that it couldn't be showed to the general public? This would send kids to sleep faster than Dora The Explorer re-runs.

This movie opens up by introducing you to Penny, a teenage girl with an intense fear of cars after seeing both her parents die in an accident. While on the road to recovery her therapist decides to take her for a drive to the sight of the accident. What could go wrong driving in the woods?

Along the way they end up hitting a hitchhiker with quite the nasty looking exterior. Of course the nice thing to do would be to pick up the hitchhiker [I'm clearly not nice, as I'm positive I would of backed up over the body a few times and then headed for the highway]. Eventually they get to where Mr. Creepy wanted to go and let him/her off. Shortly after, Penny needs to pull over yet again for some vomiting time [I believe it's become a habit of hers] and notices the tire has a spike in it and is going flat fast. Mr. Hitchhiker shows back up, they panic, blah blah blah. I don't know about you, but personally, my rims wouldn't be of any concern if some psycho was after me, I'd drive on a flat and worry about the damage later. But of course, the characters in horror movies are never really all that smart, unless of course they are the ones doing the killing. Miss. Therapist ends up dead, as does a handful of characters that we know barely anything about, leaving us no care what so ever when they end up bleeding out.

There was quite a few decent scenes and I'm sure there would of been more if the crap would of been edited out. Not nearly enough film ended up on the cutting room floor with this little number. Had quite the steady start, a not so terrible ending, but the dragged out middle totally killed it. If this full lenght would of been made into a 45 minute short it would of come out on top.

When you base your entire movie within a car, you can only do so much before the audience starts counting sheep. And when your main character is a sobbing mess with no motivation what-so-ever in saving her own ass, why should we care? You kind of start counting down the minutes until she's dead.

Not the worse, clearly not the best. If you care to watch this, I suggest watching the middle on fast forward. You won't miss much.

Half-assed recommended.

j.

Awake by Joby Harold [2007]

Title: Awake
Director: Joby Harold
Starring: Jessica Alba, Hayden Christensen, Terrence Howard
Runtime: 84 minutes
Year: 2007
Source: In Threater

I'm a movie threater junkie, I tend to go about once a week either to see some new cartoon movie or a horror if I'm lucky [FYI: I only tend to like horror or cartoons, no romantic comedies for this gal]. I'm just down for the big screen. When we got there this weekend and were late for Hitman we decided on seeing Awake simply off the movie poster [and that Jessica Alba is a total fox].

I went into this mess without even a heads up to what I was getting myself into.

The movie starts out pretty typical, a young couple in love and in lust with some hot sexin'. Yesss. I think I even say 'aww' a little bit, but don't tell anyone. We then realize Mr. Rich Boy is just that, loaded to the tits with family money and little Miss. City Girl is his mommy's personal assistant. Oh to be young in love ... and hiding it from the world. Gag.

We then find out Mr. Rich Boy doesn't dare tell his overbaring mother that he's dating Miss City Girl, let alone that they are planning to wed. Oh, and this kid has some heart issue, on the verge of death if he doesn't find a heart transplant soon.

When Mr. Rich Boy finally finds his balls and comes clean about his engagement, he decides to rush off that night to get married. Uh, you really showed her, momma's boy! And get this- while on his way to consummate his marriage he gets the call! A heart donor has been found! Rush to the hospital- save yo' self!

Woah, talk about a night. You finally cut the umbilical cord from mommy dearest and confess your love for the poor ol' girl from Brooklyn, rush off and elope, and then your life is saved all in one night? Talk about a story for the grandkids.

Oh, but it only gets better.

His mommy is there, of course, with some big shot fancy pants heart doctor on his way to being Surgeon General offering his services. But no, Mr. Rich Boy must get Dr. Second Rate, a man that once saved his life and has since become his fishing buddy to perform his operation. Fast forward all the unneeded tears and you have Mr. Rich Boy laying out on a slab in what could quite possibly be the most cheap looking operating room in movie history. Dr. Drunken Second Rate administers the general anesthesia but... he must of drove into the scotch a little early, as he totally fails and ohhh the suspence! Mr. Rich Boy is paralyzed, unable to move--- but fully awake and aware! He's experiencing the directors version of anesthesia awareness.

While feeling the whole operation [cutting him open, breaking his ribs, blah blah blah] he hears his trusted friend and doctor talking about killing him! Imagine that! Mr. Four Malpractise suits in killing Mr. Rich Boy!

It just continues to go down from there and the next 30 or so minutes are a little to predictable, but hey, plenty of laughs were to be had [although, I don't think that's the angle the director was going for].

I don't recommend this movie, not even a little bit. But if you want to see some killer Alba side boob, rent it when it hits the DVD shelves.

j.

Trauma by Marc Evans [2004]

Title: Trauma
Director: Marc Evans
Starring: Colin Firth, Naomie Harris, Mena Suvari
Runtime: 88 minutes
Year: 2004
Source: Generation X Video

I wish I could find the motivation to at least somewhat re-cap this craptastic movie for you, but I just don't have it.

Boring, confusing, and lack of anything even remotely interesting pretty much sums it up. Wife dies, dude starts to go insane, sees crap all over the city, blah blah blah.

So I'll skip giving you anymore info on it and just give the warning to stay clear and not waste money on a rental fee.

I feel cheated- give me my $5.50 back.

Not recommended. Not even a little bit.

j.

Village of the Damned by Wolf Rilla [1960]

Title: Village of the Damned
Director: Wolf Rilla
Starring: George Sanders, Barbara Shelley, Michael Gwynn
Runtime: 77 minutes
Year: 1960
Source: TCM on cable

Ah, the original Village of the Damned. I remember watching the first part of this when I was about 10 or so, and then my grandma turned it off. Such a shame.

The movie starts opens in the town of Midwich, all the residents seem to of blacked out for three hours. No explaination can be found and life resumes are usual. Then two months later, all the towns women are pregnant. Including those that haven't got banged out in a while, causing alarm.

Once the children are finally ready to be born, they all are on the same night, with numerous similarities. They all are large babies (over 10 pounds, ouch), white hair, strange fingernails, and the most unusal eyes that tend to glow when pissed off. As they age the creep factor just goes up- they all dress the same, grow and mature way faster than usual, super-intelligent, void of any kind of emotion and seem to be able to communicate without speaking or without even being in the same room. The parents and community in a whole are all creeped right the fuck out and decide to send these kids to their own private boarding school fronted by a too kind man who is the pretend father of one of them.

A few locals tend to die unexpectantly, but it isn't until adults witness a man drive his car into a brick wall after almost hitting one of the creepy bastard children.

The movie was shot all in black and white, which just seems to up the creep vibe ten fold. There honestly isn't anythnig to complain about [and I can almost always find a few flaws since I'm an anal dick].

Highly recommended.

j.

Feast by John Gulager [2005]

Title: Feast
Director: John Gulager
Starring: Balthazar Getty, Henry Rollins, Navi Rawat
Runtime: 95 minutes
Year: 2006
Source: Zip.ca

After the last two not-so-good films, this one just about makes up for it. This came as a result of the Greenlight Project contest and is produced by the always delicious Matt Damon, almost equally adorable Ben Affleck, and usually entertaining Wes Craven. This release is far more superior than their previous attempts with Greenlight.

The movie starts out with quite a few characters at a small bar doing their usual shit-talking and money making. Enough character development is done to make you remember who's who and then a new guy enters the picture. Mr. New Guy is Hero number one and comes in with a ton of bad news. Basically, a crew of monsters are on their way to eating your face. But Mr. Hero is up to the task of kicking ass and saying yours... unfortuantely he is eaten within minutes of getting us caught up to speed. Boo-hoo.

After a bloody attack that pretty much rules, in comes Mrs. Heroine. She's pissed, her husbands laying headless on the floor, her kids somewhere else, and I'm pretty positive she's ruined her manicure too. Before long, the monsters are all up in your face attempting to eat whoever has a heartbeat. The large cast then boards up the place in hopes it'll hold while they try to think of some kind of survival plan.

The comedy level is right on point, with plenty one liners delivered by a fairly entertaining cast. One of my favourite old man crushes, Henry Rollins, plays the role of Coach, a Tim Robbins wannabe/motivational speaker with too much to say, but all the clever ways to say it. Oh Henry, how I love you. This movie is worth the rental fee based on Rollins performance alone.

I'm pretty positive all the horror movie stereotypes acted out were intentional and adds a nice touch. Plus, there's plenty of blood covered clevage, guts, and fight scenes pulled off flawlessly to keep us kids happy.

Recommended.

j.

Fair Haired Child by William Malone [2006]

Title: Fair Haired Child
Director: William Malone
Starring: Lori Petty, Lindsay Pulsipher, Jesse Haddock, William Samples
Runtime: 55 minutes
Year: 2006
Source: Zip.ca

I'm trying to make an honest attempt to finish off the Masters of Horror series. So with that, here's Fair Haired Child.

This little number is directed by the same guy who brought us House on Haunted Hill and Feardotcom. I know, I know... I didn't wanna watch this either as a result. I also was just as puzzled as most of you to see him listed among as the other Masters of Horror.

Now, with that out of the way, this isn't all that terrible.

The film opens up with Tara [Pulsipher] being the outsider at school , despite the fact that she's a above average looking blonde. On her way home she rides her bike into the woods as a shortcut and what follows in quite the neat little scene. A van comes out of nowhere and hits her sending her flying, this was filmed well and looks rad. I was expecting her to sit up with a bone poking out somewhere, but no dice, not so lucky.

She's then stuffed into the back of the van and later wakes up in a hospital room of sorts. After a string of bizarre questions from her nurse [Petty] she comes to realize she's not in a hospital afterall, instead she's in a secluded mansion. Before long her kidnappers have tossed her into the basement where she finds a young boy hanging from a noose.

This is where the film starts to take a turn for the worse. After letting the boy down they sort of bond together over their current situation. He's unable to speak, but the two of them feel out their surroundings to find some clear warnings that the shit is about to hit the fan.

Not to spoil anything but that little monster of sorts [that's on the DVD cover] is pretty neat looking but we don't get too much screen time with him. The flashbacks are more silly than scary, but do provide some background with whats going on.

It's good for it's for an hour long episode, but I wouldn't watch it twice. There's nothing all that memorable about it.

Half-assed recommended.

j.

The Hamiltons by The Butcher Brothers [2006]

Title: The Hamiltons
Director: The Butcher Brothers
Starring: Cory Knauf, Samuel Child, Joseph McKelheer, Mackenzie Firgens
Runtime: 90 minutes
Year: 2006
Source: Generation X Video

The Hamiltons is based around a family of siblings trying to live a normal life minus their recently deceased parents... and dying gals hanging out in the basement. If that's not Brady Bunch then I don't know what is.

The oldest son seems to of taken it upon himself to be the provider and disciplinary, while the middle twins just like to suck each others face off. The youngest, Francis, is the stereotypical angst ridden teenager just trying to find his place in the world--- and distance himself from his family.

During his journey of sorts, he acquires a camcorder and starts recording the random activities of his slightly strange family.

Oh, I failed to mention something. Silly me. The Hamiltons tend to kidnap young girls, drain them of their blood, and use it as their own life source. Talk about further complicating the life of a teenager.

Due to this whole blood thirsty bit, they have to move quite often into new neighbours. New neighbours become new victims, leaving them to have to move yet again... Lovely little cycle, no?

As they've settled into their new neighbourhood, two roadtrip girls are served up as the new victims. By judging by the cover of the DVD you'd expect some fierce torture to take place, except it just doesn't. That is clearly not the angle the directors wanted to take. The horror aspect isn't even really all that present for the majority of the film. That's not a slam against the movie, not even in the slightest, it's just that the cover art is slightly misleading.

I didn't love The Hamiltons, but I didn't hate it, either.

Half-assed recommended.

j.

Stephen King's The Mist by Frank Darabont [2007]

Title: The Mist
Director: Frank Darabont
Starring: Thomas Jane, Marcia Gay Harden, Laurie Holden
Runtime: 127 minutes
Year: 2007
Source: Generation X Video

This is competing with 30 Days of Night as my favourite threater release this year.

I can't possibly be the only movie nerd demanding more monster movies, right? Come on studios- bring them at us, full force. Clearly, The Mist is a prime example just how much they work, and to remind the general public just how much we've been missing out on them lately.

Ladies and gents, we have a winner. There wasn't any disappointment at all, I left the threater completely stoked on what I just saw. The ending is what I'd imagine a kick to the nuts to feel like. The build-up during the full 2 hours was on point and kept you glued to the big screen [which is terrible after downing a large Diet Pepsi and needing to pee like a race horse].

The scare factor is not the monsters outside the shop [as cool as they are], but rather the human monsters on the inside. It's believable to see how as the fear factor increases people both ban together in groups and want to tear each other apart, everyone looking to place the blame on his fellow man. An on-going one-up of sorts. Perfect.

The location of the super market, the cast, extras, dialogue, all of it was just awesome. If this release doesn't reach box office gold, then I'll be truly disappointed in the movie going public. Frank Darabont did a fabulous job bringing the short to it's full potential.

I like how as time goes on people become more and more afraid of the mist, even without knowing for sure if anything is really out there. As the people in the shop break out into their seperate groups, that is when the story builds and the level of horror escalates.

The leader of the overly religious group, Mrs Carmody [Marcia Gay Harden] is my favourite character. She plays up the role to the max with her biblical rantings and warnings of god's wrath. Not only does she believe there is monsters on the outside, she is downright convinced they are sent to get blood to please an angry god. She is truly ten fold scarier than any monster on the outside. Kudos to Harden for playing this character to the max and making it all come off as 100% legit.


Highly recommended.

j.

Bruiser by George A. Romero [2000]

Title: Bruiser
Director: George A. Romero
Starring: Jason Flemyng, Peter Stormare, Leslie Hope
Runtime: 99 minutes
Year: 2000
Source: Generation X Video

For a film that marked the return of Romero after nearly a decade, I sure expected more. I really, really adore Romero and not just for his Dead movies either [see my Martin review] so when finally picking up Bruiser I was expecting quite a bit more.

First, I don't see anything entertaining about this. Nothing at all. Man wakes up with a mask as a face and doesn't dare question this, instead decides to start a slight killing spree? His maid is caught stealing from him, so he kills her on sight? But his recently caught cheating wife doesn't even get a raised voice from him? Nor does his boss that is having the affair of sorts with her?

Prior to being faceless, he's a gutless man without a backbone that lets the world walk all over him, then the minute he loses his identidy he becomes this complete opposite within moments? No questions asked, no lead up, nothing. There's something missing, it's called the middle of the movie.

There is also nothing exciting once things take the slasher turn. The murders are lacking originality, there's no real lead up on the victims leading to zero sympathy, and the main 'Bad Guy' still echoes the same spineless personality from the beginning. I'd like to have something nice to say, but there just isn't. Sorry, Mr. Romero- I still love you. Kiss, kiss.

Not recommended.

j.

May by Lucky McKee [2002]

Title: May
Director: Lucky McKee
Starring: Angela Bettis, Jeremy Sisto, Anna Faris
Runtime: 93 minutes
Year: 2002
Source: Generation X Video

Creepy goth girl, unheathly obsession with dolls, bisexual and a lazy eye? A modern day Juliet, ha. This movie is straight up weird, but weird is good, right?

The beginning comes off kind of weak and rushed. Lazy eye means wearing an eye patch? And then kids hating you? I don't know what school you went too, but wearing an eye eye patch at my elementary school would of likened you with a pirate, and therefore made you the coolest kid ever.

In traditional form, kid gets bullied in grade school, has wonky parents, and grows up demented as can be. May is charming cause she lacks all social skills, you kind of want to take the girl to the salon and let out her inner hot girl. Instead, she ends up taking you to the butcher to crave out a few of your best assets for her new doll collection.

This movie is in every way creepy and once you get past the slow moving beginning the pace finally picks up and a movie worth watching is finally presented. Many try to be different, but this one succeeds flawlessly, May is just strange. The cast did a fabulous job, and Anna Farris is now my favourite annoying lesbian, it was nice to see her outside her token funny girl role.

Recommended.

j.

Blood Car by Alex Orr [2007]

Title: Blood Car
Director: Alex Orr
Starring: Mike Brune, Anna Chlumsky
Runtime: 76 minutes
Year: 2007
Source: Zip


This little story takes place in the future... two weeks from now. We must of managed to blow up a few more oil tankers, since gas prices rise to $40 a gallon. No one but the rich can afford to drive [not to far fetched] but otherwise, life is still fairly simple.

With those oil tankers, we must of blown up all grocery shops and markets, as all thats left food wise is a Vegatable stand [worked by none other than Ms. Anna Chlumsky of My Girl fame] for the vegans and a Meat stand for the rest of the world. Soy lattes or lambchops? Not too much for selection.

Kindergarden teacher, vegan, and all around Mr. Nice Guy, Archie [Brune] decides to make it his mission to find an alternative source of fuel. After plenty of runs to the vegatable stand picking up an endless supply of wheatgrass, hours of experimenting, and a slight careless accident, Archie soon finds a solution to the problem at hand- human blood.

Now this is where the movie gets fun. His small supply of his own blood doesn't last long nor does the corpse of the lady next door, so what is a 'nice boy' trying to cure the plagues of the modern world suppose to do? Take out the trash, of course, with his built in trunk of death.

With all this determination Archie seems to have to keep his car going, you would of guessed it was for the better of his fellow man, right? Deliver food to the hungrey? Bring medicine to the sick? Diapers to the old?...

Not quite.

Archie has fast discovered that having a form of transportation different than his bicycle brings all the ladies to his yard. Soon all the fuel he can find is used to break the speed limit while getting a stream of non-stop sexual favours from the trashy Meat stand counter girl. Oh, poor vegatable stand girl, once again you are passed up for the flesh next door.

While being the only car on the road The Government soon decides to put a tracker on Archie and his wild adventures. With all the cold blooded killing, Archie is sure to get the death penalty... or the noble peace prize.

This movie is non-stop laughs and packed with cheese, sex, and charged up with plenty of political satire. Also, who ever would of thought My Girl's Little Anna would be spending her day dreaming of blow jobs and drawing out explicit cartoons? Her character reminded me just how cute she is, here's to hoping we see more of her in the future.

Highly recommended.

j.

Graveyard Alive: A Zombie Nurse in Love by Elza Kephart [2003]

Title: Graveyard Alive: A Zombie Nurse in Love
Director: Elza Kephart
Starring: Anne Day-Jones, Samantha Slan, Karl Gerhardt
Runtime: 80 minutes
Year: 2003
Source: Generation X Video

As soon as I saw the dvd cover, I knew I had to rent this. For one, the entire film is shot black and white. The story surrounds that of Nurse Patsy, a hopeless romantic having no luck in the dating world and spends her days clutching romance novels and watching the world in love around her.

A new patient comes in one night that strangly enough survived having an axe lodged in his forehead. Nurse Patsy and this mysterious young man who smells like dog shit seemd to hit it off. She appears to just be drawn to him, despite everyone else trying to avoid as much as possible.

One night Nurse Patsey and this young man share a small kiss, one he ends with a slight bit on her bottom lip. Shortly after an all too wise janitor who is smart on all things zombie related kills the young man. Heartbroken, Patsey then morphs into quite the sex kitten on the prowl, as opposed to being distraught over his passing.

Before long Patsey comes to realize she's become a zombie and in order to stop her body from decaying she needs a steady source of fresh flesh. Now call is just pure luck- but she works right above the city morgue, freshly dead corpses for the munching.

This was originally shot to be a silent film and the dialog wasn't added until afterwards, which is occasionally obvious. This release could of been better, too many slow moving parts, but the humour and good scenes make up for it.

I also think these were the cheapest looking zombies out of every movie I've ever scene.

But overall, still worth the rental fee.

Recommended.

j.

Disturbia by D.J Caruso [2007]

Title: Disturbia
Director: D.J. Caruso
Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Sarah Roemer
Runtime: 105 minutes
Year: 2007
Source: Blockbuster

Disturbia is pure thriller for the first two thirds of the film with only a handful of scenes in the last 20 minutes that slide in safely as horror.

I really enjoyed this for the most part, mostly due to the great casting. If anyone other than Shia LaBeouf had played the lead role, I honestly think the film would of tanked out. That kid just brings everything up a knotch.

It's been pointed out repeatedly that Disturbia is a homage to Hitchcocks Rear Window, but I've yet to see Read Window... so eh? I don't know, seems this movie can hold it's own. Who cares if it's lacking a wee bit of originality. I'm quite certain that a large portion of the audience opening weekend didn't know of the Read Window comparison, or even had heard of most of Hitchcocks films.

The movie gets rolling with Kale [LaBeouf] getting into a horrible car accident, with his father as passenger, and he's the only survivor of the two. We are then zipped ahead a year, only to see that Kale is quite the little rebel and attacks one of his teachers. As punishment, the courts place him on house arrest and limit him to the confines of his house and yard. As his mom cuts his Xbox Live and internet connection, he resorts to spying on the neighbours, particularly one that happens to be beautiful and changes with the blinds open. Before long, his attention is then shifted over to that of a suspicious neighbour driving a vehicle that matches the discription of one used in a recent murder.

The pace of the movie just continues to build and ends up being ten fold better than I initially anticipated. I totally slept on seeing this when it first hit threaters, expecting the worst, I've learnt my lesson.

Recommended.

j.

Black Sheep by Jonathan King [2007]

Title: Black Sheep
Director: Jonathan King
Starring: Nathan Meister, Danielle Mason
Runtime: 87 minutes
Year: 2007
Source: Zip.ca

We've seen killer birds, bees, dogs, children, anything and everything. But have we seen killer sheep? I mean ruthless tear-your-thoat-from-your-neck killer sheep? Well I haven't.

Before this arrived in my mailbox, I assumed the worst. Just think, a film about sheep killing worthless humans? Eh. Quite obvious it'd be really good or really bad. Thankfully for my sanity, it's not all that bad. Some moments that acting almost killed me, but as soon as those sheep came into the picture, life ruled again. The effects are done amazingly well [and by the same crew that did the Lord of the Rings trilogy] and slammed with plenty of blood, guts, and ... sheep. There's only a handful of victims, but those that die, sure go out in style. Most of the movie was spent laughing my bum off at the non-stop one liners, the other bit was spent with that squished up face I make when things go to the gore (although to be fair, things never really get frightening). I kind of want to own one of those cute little killer genetically engineered aborted babies. Gross, huh?

The increased amount of horror comedies are more than welcome to keep coming.

Recommended.

j.

Night of the Creeps by Fred Dekker [1986]

Title: Night of the Creeps
Director: Fred Dekker
Starring: Christopher Romero, Cynthia Cronenberg
Runtime: 88 minutes
Year: 1986
Source: Rue Morgue's Cinemacabre Night

Now here is a fantastic classic and you need to pick it up, pronto. I saw this at one of the Rue Morgue: Cinemacabre nights and some of the staff decided to come down to Toronto for some Q&A. Good laughs and an around awesome night.

This classic features exploding heads, zombies, an alien invasion, multiple deaths by flame thrower, death by lawnmower, zombie cat and dog... and all on prom night?

What else could you possible ask for?


Highly recommended.

j.

Fido by Andrew Currie [2006]

Title: Fido
Director: Andrew Currie
Starring: Carrie-Anne Moss, Billy Connolly, K'Sun Ray
Runtime: 91 minutes
Year: 2006
Source: Generation X Video

I love zombies. I love Lassie. Therefore, I love Fido. This movie is completely adorable (does that kill the scary part?) and does a fine job balancing both comedy and the flesh eating undead.

First, I'd like to point out that I'd personally really enjoy having a pet zombie and I have more than a few annoying neighbours I wouldn't mind introducing him too. So please, ladies and gents, if you know of any good zombies in need of a new home, I'm your gal.

This movie is a mesh between Pleasantville and Day of the Dead- but you know that already as every single review possible has pointed out the obvious. The various references to other movies, as well as the fabulous cast seem to make this mesh work extremely well. What's with all the hinted zombie and human love? Not going to lie, I kinda liked it.

Unlike other zombie movies, Fido is more fun than run and for that, I say thanks darlin'! But don't worry, zombie fans, there is still plenty of munching on flesh and the token kill shots. But who doesn't want some fun loving zombie to play catch with, save you from the local bullies, and seduce your mom- uh, what?

This movie ruled. Go pick it up.

Highly recommended.

j.

[Word on the street is that a Friday the 13th remake is confirmed to happen. Yesss.]

Alone With Her by Eric Nicholas [2006]

Title: Alone with Her
Director: Eric Nicholas
Starring: Colin Hanks, Ana Claudia Talancón
Runtime: 78 minutes
Year: 2006
Source: Blockbuster

Now this, ladies and gents, is a little too plausible. All it takes is a creepy dude with some spare time on his hands, surveillance equipment at his disposal and viola! Let the stalking begin. Thank you, Eric Nicholas, for reminding me to close my curtains at night and avoid any conversation with strangers.

The entire film is shot from a POV aspect and the lead character [Doug played by Colin Hanks] could easily be the All-American poster boy for voyeurism. Except he steps out from behind the camera and slides himself into the story. This little number starts out with Doug out and about taping random up skirts, daily interaction, and clevage shots of beautiful women.. I'm sure you have your own little Doug running around town- minus the murder tendencies I hope.

Doug quickly becomes fixated on one young lady, who he spies crying over a recent break-up. That fixation leads to him planting video and audio cameras all over her apartment streaming a live feed right to his multiple monitors. He has her schedule down to a tee and sets up a random, daily meeting of sorts at the local coffee shop. Having some insight [understatement much?] into her daily conversations, movie watching, and music preferences, he slightly has the upper hand in winning her over with their extensive list of common interests. Of cource Dougs blueprint for them to fall for each other and live out a creepy existance doesn't quite go as planned. She starts dating a boy from her place of employment... and a hair brush on her night stand takes care of her sexual needs, apparently. That's when things start to get really interesting.

Recommended.

j.

Jenifer by Dario Argento [2005]

Title: Jenifer [Masters of Horror series]
Director: Dario Argento
Starring: Steven Weber, Carrie Fleming
Runtime: 58 minutes
Year: 2005
Source: Generation X Video

So I clearly know what my halloween costume is going to be next year. Girl is damn creepy looking. She may have a body worthy of Maxim magazine, but she's the true definition of a butterface. Her face resembles something close to what I'm assuming a can of smashed assholes would look like. Poor thing. I'd eat random children for breakfast too if I looked like her.

But hey- she still manages to get a date and apparently gives a killer blowjob, so really, how bad can life be?

The movie opens up when a cop [Weber] stops a random man from killing a seemingly beautiful women with a meat clever. Upon closer inspection he realizes she's got quite the unfortuant face, but it's quite clear from the get go, he'd still do her. Hell, I'm almost positive I would too. Is it terrible that I still find her vaguely attractive? I'm going to hell, right?

Anyways, somehow Mr. CopMan seems to think it a smart idea to bring this creature home with him, you know, out of the goodness of his heart. Not cause he wants a piece or anything, of course not, he's a happily married man and all. Shortly after her moving in, his wife is not so happy with the new addition. Maybe it's cause her tits haven't looked that good in a good 15 years? Eh, who am I too judge?

Of course, the whole family kind of starts to hold some resentment towards Jenifer once they walk in on her eating the family's household kitty cat. Such a shame and messy too! I wouldn't wanna be the one trying to get the intestines out of the tiles. This sends the wife to her bags and hit the high road, rightfully so.

I guess when the cats away the mice will play. Only a few minutes pass after the wife exits the scene when Mr. CopMan decides to let his little hell vixen act out every little fantasy she has. I don't know about you, but I think I'd be a little weary of allowing someone I just saw eating my beloved pet engage in oral sex on me. Seems a little on the DO NOT WANT side of things, no?

Things just keep getting stranger from there- to put it lightly. Jenifer is like the female version of Jeffrey Dahmer playing the lead in the schools production of Romeo & Juliet. Dario Argento wins again!

Highly recommended.

j.

Saw 4 by Darren Lynn Bousman [2007]

Title: Saw 4
Director: Darren Lynn Bousman
Starring: Tobin Bell, Costas Mandylor, Lyriq Bent
Runtime: 95 minutes
Year: 2007
Source: In threaters

Ok, so am I the only one not able to follow the on-going Saw series? The characters from the past films all sort of blend together in this one [with the exception of Donnie Wahlberg, of course - cause I want to hump him].

Saw delivers what Saw is known to deliver. You get all the gore and violence that causes you to peak between your fingers.

And that autopsy scene- priceless. However, I could of easily done without seeing old man balls on the table.

But what else do you get? No idea.

But I'd really like my $7 back.

Not recommended.

j.

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon by Scott Glosserman [2006]

Title: Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon
Director: Scott Glosserman
Starring: Nathan Baesel
Runtime: 92 minutes
Year: 2006
Source: Generation X Video

Jason, Freddy, Myers. We All Need Someone To Look Up To. The tagline on the dvd cover is what sucked me in. What little horror junkie kid didn't look up to the Top Three? Even if that simply was because they caused you to skimp out on some sleep or to be tucked in extra tight. I can't think of three other characters that have had such a lasting effect on such a large group of movie nerds, myself included.

Behind The Mask starts out with Leslie inviting a documentary crew out with him, to give them exclusive insight into the workings of a future serial killer. Leslie comes with the promise that he will one day rank up at the top of the top with the other greats as a psycho slasher. He's got the sad, daytime tv worthy beginning of a boy abused by his family, then turns all typical bad boy by killing them all. The town then with no need for killers running around, kill him in cold blood. Of course, we soon find out Leslie is not quite Leslie. Leslie is actually nothing but a wannabe. Oh, and don't be mistaken, Leslie is not your friend either.

As much humour and wit this movie tosses at you, it makes the occasional jump back to reminding you this dude is about to go all psycho slasher on your ass. He's planned it all out too, right down to the last detail, he's counted the exits, he's got a back-up to every possiblity, and can all too easily rely on teenage hormones to plan his next step.

There is a nice charm about Leslie, you kinda want to take him out for some ice cream. But with that, I'm sure he'd leave you with the bill then cut out your heart [I've been on worse dates, I'm sure]. If you want to add a light hearted serial killer to your collection, Leslie Vernon is your guy.

Recommended.

j.

30 Days of Night by David Slade [2007]

Title: 30 Days of Night
Director: David Slade
Starring: Josh Hartnett, Melissa George
Runtime: 113 minutes
Year: 2007
Source: In threater

I don't know what made me more excited to see this, the fact that David Slade killed it with Hard Candy or the comic books? Either way, it lived up to the hype.

The vampires really win me over completely and are not what we are use to seeing in stereotypical vampire movies. Who needs romance, anyways? Why should the vampires be a bunch of hopeless romantics, when us humans are so busy out getting divorces. All they want is blood, man. No harm in that right? Unless of course, they stumble upon your town in the dead of winter while having to undergo the joy of no sunlight for 30 days. Sounds like a party, count me in.

Josh Hartnett has a habit of turning me into a little school girl whenever he graces the big screen, so I'll save my excessive gushing over him for another day and outlet. But I must say, even if overlooking his broad shoulders and perfect jawline, this kid can hold his own. It'd be silly of me to say he carried the weight of the movie but he played his character right on point.

If there is to be any standout actor, I'd say it was Danny Huston, his role as Marlow [lead vampire] was crisp as hell. Even with all the high pitched shrieking, these vampires rule. Visually this film wins on all fronts and those arial shots was a lovely cherry on top.

It's refreshing that hollywood didn't take the route of trying to get the humans to play the role of Hero, they simply just played an all or nothing game of hide and seek waiting for sunlight. That's more realistic. I would of liked it if the movie gave more insight to where the vampires came from and how they came to be. Without that direction you start leaving it up to the public to determine what a vampire can or cannot do in a film, based on what they could in the last 100 vampire flicks they saw, so you ended up limiting the characters greatly. But still, easily one of the better vampire movies of the last 15 or so years.

Highly recommended.

j.

Captivity by Roland Joffé [2007]

Title: Captivity
Director: Roland Joffé
Starring: Elisha Cuthbert and Daniel Gillies
Runtime: 96 minutes
Year: 2007
Source: Blockbuster

So this is the prime example of the subgenre 'torture porn' apparently? At least that's what all the big, bad media sites are proclaiming.

I must point out right away that Elisha Cuthbert did a fabulous job here. She played her character to the max, at least as good as it could get considering the content. Something huge was missing from this movie- thrill, horror, suspense, everything actually. This movie only offered some cheap shots and a handful successful attempts to shock. But did you really need to be so predictable? And what did the kidnapper want with Jennifer [Cuthbert]? Why her? What was the lesson to be learned? What's the point of it all? Someone doesn't go through all the fancy footwork on that level without a cause or reasoning, regardless of how demented they are.

Note to Industry: Regardless of your torture ways, you still need some kind of punch.

When the video started, I was expecting something slighlty better than average. Considering how many film critics bitched about this when it was first released to threater [or was that solely directed toward the advertising?] I was expecting something, anything, worth remembering. Instead, this is the exact result I expect if they cast Paris Hilton in Saw 17.

And that twist at the end [last 5 minutes]? What the fuck? Tsk, tsk.
Oh, and the term 'torture porn' is ridiculous.

Not recommended.

j.



[ps. New addition [in the way of puppy!] has made updating tough, I've recently watched a ton of movies, just need to chuck them up here.]

Cigarette Burns by John Carpenter [2005]

Title: Cigarette Burns [Masters of Horror series]
Director: John Carpenter
Starring: Norman Reedus, Udo Kier, Zara Taylor
Runtime: 59 minutes
Year: 2005
Source: Zip.ca

This is by far my favourite episode of the Masters of Horror series [which is home to some fabulous episodes], this one is just that good the others pale in comparison. Never before have I finished watching a film only to oh so bad want to watch another. This movie accomplishes what The Ring set out to do.

A client of rare film dealer Kirby [Reedus] has set him out to hunt down the infamous La Fin Absolue du Monde (The Absolute End of the World) that caused complete violence during the one screening it recieved. Being the movie expert that Kirby is, he is convienced the movie doesn't exist initially but is well schooled in the history surrounding the title. But the ever smooth and beyond wealthy Bellinger [client] has more than enough proof to suggest the film has a single copy intact. Living in his own mansion is a creepy but gentle creature with thin skin and wounds to suggest angel like wings once sat on his back [that currently sit on Bellinger's wall]. Bellinger claims this creature can exist only as a result of the film still being in existance. Kirby than sets out to hunt down the film for the price of $200k... not that cheap considering the pain and agony the hunt is promised to cause.

This is exactly what I've come to expect from Carpenter. There is something about it that any horror fan can easily relate too- the search for the ultimate film. What if a film could be so intense, so violence, that it would provoke even homicide in the threatre as the audience is watching it unfold? Now, I'm sure you've watched some terrible movies in the past that made you feel like ripping someone's head off in pure disappointment. But to be that good it caused pure chaos? Sign me up. A nice perk is a fabulous, yet somehow classy, decapitation [if possible] that just grabs you.

John Carpenter continues to live up to the tail of being a Master of Horror, while more than a few greats from his time have since slipped, Carpenter still keeps us glued to the screen waiting for the next move, waiting for anything, knowing it'll exceed the standards. This goes beyond the already in place formula for a film set to destroy you, La Fin Absolue du Monde sets you up to destroy yourself.

Highly recommended.

j.

And Now the Screaming Starts by Roy Ward Baker [1973]

Title: And Now the Screaming Starts
Director: Roy Ward Baker
Starring: Stephanie Beacham, Ian Ogilvy, Herbert Lom
Runtime: 91 minutes
Year: 1973
Source: On cable

An easy route to my heart, is a film filled with screaming and this sure delivers within the first 10 minutes. The main characters Catherine and Charles are young, wealthy couple in love and soon to be wed living the life of luxery. As soon at the couple arrive at the family estate, the screaming begins. While Catherine is admiring the family paintings that fill the halls she becomes increasingly interested in one painting in particular, that of Charles grandfather, Sir Henry. While viewing it, a disembodied hand reached out for her. On their wedding night, whatever body was attached to this hand at some point, locks itself into the room with Catherine and rapes her, leaving her pregnant. The movie flows consistant from there on in, but at times taking a rather slow pace which can kinda kill the mood.

This movie is non-stop high pitched screaming, a severed hand, and cursed family bloodline but not quite classic material. I still enjoyed it for what it is, a scream fest. But don't expect action at every turn or gore galore. If you love damsel-in-distress type movies, you'll dig this.

Recommended.

j.

Let's Scare Jessica to Death by John D. Hancock [1971]

Title: Let's Scare Jessica to Death
Director: John D. Hancock
Starring: Zohra Lampert, Barton Heyman, Mariclare Costello
Runtime: 89 minutes
Year: 1971
Source: Generation X Video

This movie is slow, maybe even boring at times, but it still occasionally brings the creeps. The title character, Jessica, is recently released from a mental insitution into the arms of her husband [Heyman] and their third wheel friend. To help with her recovery they leave the big city life of New York City and head to a small rurel town of Connecticut, of course they do so while stopping along the way at cemeteries to scope out graves? And ride in style in a hearse? And whats with all the sexual tension? Seriously kids, you all are suppose to be a group of hippies, just get on it already. Sheesh.

I think this movie would of scored higher with me if they didn't paint Jessica to be so childlike and fragile at times or if that personality was due to her time spent in the instituion, then please, give us an idea of what she indured. I didn't find any of the acting all that note worthy and if you have a limited budget, your cast needs to step it up. The dialogue seems to young for the actors, they also fail at making most of what they are saying and doing as being realistic. Something just seems uncomfortable, not in the horror way, but the bad acting department.

Mariclare Costello played a conviencing hippie vampire and spiced the movie up, as much as possible. She added in more sexual tension but still won over the hearts of the characters to where they invited her stay and live with them. It's pretty obvious from the get go that she is the reason behind the non-stop haunting of Jessica and threatening her sanity. [Granted, I don't think Jessica had much for sanity at any point in this movie.]

Overall I'm not all for this film. It's good for what it is, but not the best, or even really on par with it's peers. Oh and the voice over of Jessica... Jessica... done repeatly does nothing to help things along.

Not recommended.

j.

The Descent [uncut] by Neil Marshall [2005]

Title: The Descent
Director: Neil Marshall
Starring: Shauna Macdonald, Natalie Jackson Mendoza, Alex Reid
Runtime: 99 minutes
Year: 2005
Source: Own collection

Two things I absolutely adore when it comes to movies- those almost always entertaining British filmmakers and a crapload of blood. As a result, The Descent won over this itty bitty heart of mine.

You are first introduced to the characters while they are rafting on some rough waters and loving every minute of it. The scene sets the tone of their personalities as these out going, adventure seeking gals. While leaving, Sarah (Shauna Macdonald) gets into a car accident with her husband and young daughter, leaving them both dead and Sarah in a complete emotional wreck. Fast forward a year, and the same group of ladies are on the heels of another adventure, this time a caving expedition. Sooner than later they become lost and it's very apparent they are not alone in the cave. I'm not sure if it's best to call them beasts, monsters, or demons but they sure are exactly what I'd invision some creepy, blood loving creatures of hell to resemble.

A nice touch is how even though they are crawling around in the pitch black beneath the surfice, there is no frustration that you, the viewer, can't see. Which is one of my main issues when people are trying to give the impression of a scary situation, scenes are then filmed too dark and it's hard to stay in the moment. Even when it's dark and the girls can barely see, you can still sense their panic in other ways [like the flickering and fast movement of their light helments, for example].

This is just the kind of movie that proves the current formula that directors have been following to achieve 'scary' is not needed. This film kills it with no damsel in distress, no sex scenes, no underdog... just pure horror and top notch dialogue. Let's hear it for straight up blood and demons from the pits of hell. Congrats to Marshall for being able to follow up to Dog Soldiers without a single complaint from yours truly. Can't wait to see what he has up his sleeves with Doomsday, even if it's said he's taking a break from horror and venturing into the world of sci-fi, I'm positive it'll be fabulous.

I watched the uncut version that has a slightly different ending than the threatical release. I'd recommend going with the uncut.

Highly recommended.

j.

Severance by Christopher Smith [2006]

Title: Severance
Director: Christopher Smith
Starring: Danny Dyer, Laura Harris, Tim McInnerny
Runtime: 96 minutes
Year: 2006
Source: Blockbuster

Again, a movie that doesn't quite fit into one genre. And again, a damn good result. Take note, studios.

The basic gist is a sales team from a weapon distributing company goes on a little family vacation of sorts to build team spirit. They are expecting to come onto a luxery lodge, but after getting sidetracked by a fallen tree blocking the road and the bus driver taking the high road on foot, they end up at a rundown lodge. And not just any lodge, a lodge slammed pack with not-so-nice cyptic messages about the very company they all work for. After some shady occurances, they decide it's for their general health to get on out of there... only to find the bus driver dead in a near-by creek... oh noes, the horror! And yes, then the killing begins, but not without constant humour, to keep you both glued to the screen and pissing your pants laughing.

I'd say about 70% of this movie is pure comedy and about 30% horror, but it works so well that you don't quite get tired of either. The humour compliments the horror. The team behind this definitely didn't rely on cheap jokes to carry the carry the weight of the film, as the effects and horror scenes can keep up with the current heavy weights of the genre. Warning, however, is that about 3/4 of the way in, they just cut out the comedy department and turn the film strictly horror. Not the smoothest transition, one moments you are laughing at the well done comedy driven chase, the next moment it's like... oh.. no more laughing, eh? Ah, thanks for the heads up. That's it. The last 20 minutes or so is nothing but serious business, but it does work. Maybe it just caught me off guard? I went into watching this with no expectations, just saw the cover at Blockbuster and decided I need to see it.

Comedy? Horror? Who fucking cares. This movie is worth renting in my humble ass opinion.

Recommended.

j.

Martin By George A. Romero [1977]

Title: Martin
Director: George A. Romero
Starring: John Amplas, Lincoln Maazel, Christine Forrest
Runtime: 95 minutes
Year: 1977
Source: Generation X Video

Is this a vampire movie? Or a serial killer movie? Let's settle on it just being a damn good movie, regardless of it's label.

Martin is based on that of a young man with a non-stop lust for blood but has none of the fancy joys of being a stereotypical vampire. He pushes the fact that to be a vampire is simply to crave blood, no magic, no special perks, just an occasional need to suck back his pre-set beverage of choice.

The movie opens up with him doing just that. Getting the blood he urges without all the other aspects of being a vampire that'd make the task at hand that much easier. Granted, there is no safety net for the rest of us either- as crosses, garlic, and other such defenses are completely useless. Overtime it seems he's come to perfect, at least to some degree, how to get his choosen beautiful victims to lay lifeless while he takes the very life from them. Right from the opening scene it becomes quite clear this is also an intimate act of 'love' for him.

This movie is one of my favourite Romero movies, if not for the instant interest the viewer will get for Martin, but also the human aspect of it. This film is more serial killer than fantasy vampire - you can't help but feel more for Martin for being this socially awkward young boy than for the victims. The rest of the main characters are also easy to warm up too. His elderly cousin, a somewhat mad man deadset on saving Martin's soul, initially makes it seem possible that Martin is only the the way he is from years of being told he's a "nosferatu". As time goes on, Martin starts to open up more and befriends Christina [Christine Forest], a same aged, female relative and also starts to enjoy 'sexy time' with an awake and willing older woman. A nice bit of comic relief is when Martin starts calling in to his favourite radio show to talk about the ups and downs of being a vampire and to dismiss the long list of inaccurate myths made popular by movies.

The way Romero went about this movie using black and white clips tossed in to show the past was pure cinematic genius and set the right tone for the movie. There is no big climax, no huge drawn out battle [like typical vampire movies], the overall movie and ending is what one would expect from Romero. The casting is perfect, John Amplas played the role of Martin right on point, and you start to belief there is no way this outcast could perform such tasks, even while he is acting on his bloody urges right before your eyes.

Highly recommended.

j.

The Card Player by Dario Argento [2004]

Title: The Card Player [Il Cartaio]
Director: Dario Argento
Staring: Stefania Rocca, Liam Cunningham, Silvio Muccino
Runtime: 103 minutes
Year: 2004
Source: Generation X Video

Being Dario Argento must be a tough job, you go and release prime examples of horror at it's best repeatedly and then the world expects nothing but the best. And then you release The Card Player and well, mommy always said if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

Well, actually. To be Argento would kind of rule, and I've never really been all that polite.

This release would rate decently on the overall scale if it didn't come with such high expectations. Ok, I lied. It would still fail miserably. I'd like to be able to say everything started out ok, but that would even be stretching it. Right from the get go the movie was going downhill with the lackluster dialogue and a less than stellar plot. On a positive note the dead bodies are flawless on the realisitc side of things and completely cringe worthy but aside from the special effects team, nothing worth paying attention to. I guess when you focus your entire movie around an internet poker game of killer vs. police and a small webcam zeroing in on only the face of the victim, it's bound to fail in the attention grabbing department. We don't actually see much, really, aside from a poorly designed web based game. The end does come with a few predictable twists and the emphasis on parts of conversations made it quite obvious that certain elements of the characters would be tied in at the end. I'd never think I'd be this disappointed by Argento. Maybe it's time he stand back, even temporary, from the genre he laid a hand in creating before making little boys and girls like myself cry in all the wrong ways.

Not recommended.

j.