Boy Eats Girl by Stephen Bradley [2005]

Title: Boy Eats Girl
Director: Stephen Bradley
Starring: Samantha Mumba, David Leon, Tadhg Murphy
Runtime: 80 minutes
Year: 2005

Occasionally I wish there was a specialty made fast forward button simply titled "Cut the Shit" that drags you right to the goods. This is a movie that should be used as my perfect example for such an invention.

A little backstory shall we? Nathan, oh Nathan. The typical high school boy that crushes on his best friend but lacks the balls to chase her. But Nathan's in luck, for it seems Mrs. Potential Girlfriend Jessica just may have a little interest in him too. Aw, how Disney.

After a series of miscommunication Nathan fears he's lost Jessica for good so the only logical next step at this point is suicide by hanging. Well of course, what else would a silly high school boy do?

But to die is clearly not so easy these dies. Not when your mom knows just how to bring her dear son back from the grave. Who cares if he must live on a fresh supply of flesh and brains from here on out? At least he'll be home for Thanksgiving.

For a movie that's only 80 minutes in lenght, the entire first half is an utter bore if you can't tell from my tone above. It was almost painful to sit and watch the same teen movie garbage we've seen time and time again. At least with those Irish accents I have something to pay attention too. Similar to if there was an adorable dog running around, it's cute to watch but certainly nothing to write home about.

Once the school goes mad and kiddies are eating each other left and right things really pick up and the movie takes an unexcepted turn. The gore is certainly there, the cheese factor is high, and the kills may not be all that original but they are most definitely entertaining. Even the comedy is pretty on point. The majority of the characters are nothing more than a body to be consumed but still with the small parts they are given the cast for the most part rocked it. The token scumbag entourage that accompanies Nathan during his adventures are nothing out of the norm but seem to give a nice break here and there from the pupply love mess.

Overall, if you want some short and bittersweet zombie kill scenes watch the last 30 minutes or so. Watching the beginning is similar to watching a Sweet Valley High re-run.

Half-ass recommended.


Jo

Wicked Little Things by J.S Cardone [2006]

Title: Wicked Little Things
Director: J.S. Cardone
Starring: Scout Taylor-Compton, Lori Heuring, Chloe Moretz
Runtime: 94 minutes
Year: 2006
Source: Zip.ca

We are first introduced to recent widow, Karen [Heuring] and her two daughters Sarah [Scout Taylor-Compton of Rob Zombie's Halloween] and Emma [Chloe Moretz]. After her husband's death, Karen has little in way of finances and options, but she does have the deed to an old house from the family he never spoke about.

Old, dark inherited house? Check. Hot chick? Check. Zombies? Check. Sounds familiar. A plus being the zombies are children but they are also just wearing some fancy black attire and white face paint. Although, they do get elbow deep in some raw flesh of the human variety, that's a good sign, right?

There really isn't anything all that new here, but who needs originality anyways? I'm not even sure if the word zombie can even be applied here. They lack the whole aimless wondering for flesh take we see so often. They don't even eat everything in sight, either. Zombies on a mission!

A sweet neat shot was when a few of the still breathing characters are standing on the main floor of a house while a not so fortuante character is upstairs being pulled apart and eaten. As they stand listening to the events above, the blood drips through the old wooden floors covering them. Great shot. And talk about a creepy prank to pull while crashing at an old cottage. Ideas, ideas...

Not recommended.

j.

Graveyard Alive: A Zombie Nurse in Love by Elza Kephart [2003]

Title: Graveyard Alive: A Zombie Nurse in Love
Director: Elza Kephart
Starring: Anne Day-Jones, Samantha Slan, Karl Gerhardt
Runtime: 80 minutes
Year: 2003
Source: Generation X Video

As soon as I saw the dvd cover, I knew I had to rent this. For one, the entire film is shot black and white. The story surrounds that of Nurse Patsy, a hopeless romantic having no luck in the dating world and spends her days clutching romance novels and watching the world in love around her.

A new patient comes in one night that strangly enough survived having an axe lodged in his forehead. Nurse Patsy and this mysterious young man who smells like dog shit seemd to hit it off. She appears to just be drawn to him, despite everyone else trying to avoid as much as possible.

One night Nurse Patsey and this young man share a small kiss, one he ends with a slight bit on her bottom lip. Shortly after an all too wise janitor who is smart on all things zombie related kills the young man. Heartbroken, Patsey then morphs into quite the sex kitten on the prowl, as opposed to being distraught over his passing.

Before long Patsey comes to realize she's become a zombie and in order to stop her body from decaying she needs a steady source of fresh flesh. Now call is just pure luck- but she works right above the city morgue, freshly dead corpses for the munching.

This was originally shot to be a silent film and the dialog wasn't added until afterwards, which is occasionally obvious. This release could of been better, too many slow moving parts, but the humour and good scenes make up for it.

I also think these were the cheapest looking zombies out of every movie I've ever scene.

But overall, still worth the rental fee.

Recommended.

j.

Night of the Creeps by Fred Dekker [1986]

Title: Night of the Creeps
Director: Fred Dekker
Starring: Christopher Romero, Cynthia Cronenberg
Runtime: 88 minutes
Year: 1986
Source: Rue Morgue's Cinemacabre Night

Now here is a fantastic classic and you need to pick it up, pronto. I saw this at one of the Rue Morgue: Cinemacabre nights and some of the staff decided to come down to Toronto for some Q&A. Good laughs and an around awesome night.

This classic features exploding heads, zombies, an alien invasion, multiple deaths by flame thrower, death by lawnmower, zombie cat and dog... and all on prom night?

What else could you possible ask for?


Highly recommended.

j.

Fido by Andrew Currie [2006]

Title: Fido
Director: Andrew Currie
Starring: Carrie-Anne Moss, Billy Connolly, K'Sun Ray
Runtime: 91 minutes
Year: 2006
Source: Generation X Video

I love zombies. I love Lassie. Therefore, I love Fido. This movie is completely adorable (does that kill the scary part?) and does a fine job balancing both comedy and the flesh eating undead.

First, I'd like to point out that I'd personally really enjoy having a pet zombie and I have more than a few annoying neighbours I wouldn't mind introducing him too. So please, ladies and gents, if you know of any good zombies in need of a new home, I'm your gal.

This movie is a mesh between Pleasantville and Day of the Dead- but you know that already as every single review possible has pointed out the obvious. The various references to other movies, as well as the fabulous cast seem to make this mesh work extremely well. What's with all the hinted zombie and human love? Not going to lie, I kinda liked it.

Unlike other zombie movies, Fido is more fun than run and for that, I say thanks darlin'! But don't worry, zombie fans, there is still plenty of munching on flesh and the token kill shots. But who doesn't want some fun loving zombie to play catch with, save you from the local bullies, and seduce your mom- uh, what?

This movie ruled. Go pick it up.

Highly recommended.

j.

[Word on the street is that a Friday the 13th remake is confirmed to happen. Yesss.]