Cigarette Burns by John Carpenter [2005]

Title: Cigarette Burns [Masters of Horror series]
Director: John Carpenter
Starring: Norman Reedus, Udo Kier, Zara Taylor
Runtime: 59 minutes
Year: 2005
Source: Zip.ca

This is by far my favourite episode of the Masters of Horror series [which is home to some fabulous episodes], this one is just that good the others pale in comparison. Never before have I finished watching a film only to oh so bad want to watch another. This movie accomplishes what The Ring set out to do.

A client of rare film dealer Kirby [Reedus] has set him out to hunt down the infamous La Fin Absolue du Monde (The Absolute End of the World) that caused complete violence during the one screening it recieved. Being the movie expert that Kirby is, he is convienced the movie doesn't exist initially but is well schooled in the history surrounding the title. But the ever smooth and beyond wealthy Bellinger [client] has more than enough proof to suggest the film has a single copy intact. Living in his own mansion is a creepy but gentle creature with thin skin and wounds to suggest angel like wings once sat on his back [that currently sit on Bellinger's wall]. Bellinger claims this creature can exist only as a result of the film still being in existance. Kirby than sets out to hunt down the film for the price of $200k... not that cheap considering the pain and agony the hunt is promised to cause.

This is exactly what I've come to expect from Carpenter. There is something about it that any horror fan can easily relate too- the search for the ultimate film. What if a film could be so intense, so violence, that it would provoke even homicide in the threatre as the audience is watching it unfold? Now, I'm sure you've watched some terrible movies in the past that made you feel like ripping someone's head off in pure disappointment. But to be that good it caused pure chaos? Sign me up. A nice perk is a fabulous, yet somehow classy, decapitation [if possible] that just grabs you.

John Carpenter continues to live up to the tail of being a Master of Horror, while more than a few greats from his time have since slipped, Carpenter still keeps us glued to the screen waiting for the next move, waiting for anything, knowing it'll exceed the standards. This goes beyond the already in place formula for a film set to destroy you, La Fin Absolue du Monde sets you up to destroy yourself.

Highly recommended.

j.

And Now the Screaming Starts by Roy Ward Baker [1973]

Title: And Now the Screaming Starts
Director: Roy Ward Baker
Starring: Stephanie Beacham, Ian Ogilvy, Herbert Lom
Runtime: 91 minutes
Year: 1973
Source: On cable

An easy route to my heart, is a film filled with screaming and this sure delivers within the first 10 minutes. The main characters Catherine and Charles are young, wealthy couple in love and soon to be wed living the life of luxery. As soon at the couple arrive at the family estate, the screaming begins. While Catherine is admiring the family paintings that fill the halls she becomes increasingly interested in one painting in particular, that of Charles grandfather, Sir Henry. While viewing it, a disembodied hand reached out for her. On their wedding night, whatever body was attached to this hand at some point, locks itself into the room with Catherine and rapes her, leaving her pregnant. The movie flows consistant from there on in, but at times taking a rather slow pace which can kinda kill the mood.

This movie is non-stop high pitched screaming, a severed hand, and cursed family bloodline but not quite classic material. I still enjoyed it for what it is, a scream fest. But don't expect action at every turn or gore galore. If you love damsel-in-distress type movies, you'll dig this.

Recommended.

j.

Let's Scare Jessica to Death by John D. Hancock [1971]

Title: Let's Scare Jessica to Death
Director: John D. Hancock
Starring: Zohra Lampert, Barton Heyman, Mariclare Costello
Runtime: 89 minutes
Year: 1971
Source: Generation X Video

This movie is slow, maybe even boring at times, but it still occasionally brings the creeps. The title character, Jessica, is recently released from a mental insitution into the arms of her husband [Heyman] and their third wheel friend. To help with her recovery they leave the big city life of New York City and head to a small rurel town of Connecticut, of course they do so while stopping along the way at cemeteries to scope out graves? And ride in style in a hearse? And whats with all the sexual tension? Seriously kids, you all are suppose to be a group of hippies, just get on it already. Sheesh.

I think this movie would of scored higher with me if they didn't paint Jessica to be so childlike and fragile at times or if that personality was due to her time spent in the instituion, then please, give us an idea of what she indured. I didn't find any of the acting all that note worthy and if you have a limited budget, your cast needs to step it up. The dialogue seems to young for the actors, they also fail at making most of what they are saying and doing as being realistic. Something just seems uncomfortable, not in the horror way, but the bad acting department.

Mariclare Costello played a conviencing hippie vampire and spiced the movie up, as much as possible. She added in more sexual tension but still won over the hearts of the characters to where they invited her stay and live with them. It's pretty obvious from the get go that she is the reason behind the non-stop haunting of Jessica and threatening her sanity. [Granted, I don't think Jessica had much for sanity at any point in this movie.]

Overall I'm not all for this film. It's good for what it is, but not the best, or even really on par with it's peers. Oh and the voice over of Jessica... Jessica... done repeatly does nothing to help things along.

Not recommended.

j.

The Descent [uncut] by Neil Marshall [2005]

Title: The Descent
Director: Neil Marshall
Starring: Shauna Macdonald, Natalie Jackson Mendoza, Alex Reid
Runtime: 99 minutes
Year: 2005
Source: Own collection

Two things I absolutely adore when it comes to movies- those almost always entertaining British filmmakers and a crapload of blood. As a result, The Descent won over this itty bitty heart of mine.

You are first introduced to the characters while they are rafting on some rough waters and loving every minute of it. The scene sets the tone of their personalities as these out going, adventure seeking gals. While leaving, Sarah (Shauna Macdonald) gets into a car accident with her husband and young daughter, leaving them both dead and Sarah in a complete emotional wreck. Fast forward a year, and the same group of ladies are on the heels of another adventure, this time a caving expedition. Sooner than later they become lost and it's very apparent they are not alone in the cave. I'm not sure if it's best to call them beasts, monsters, or demons but they sure are exactly what I'd invision some creepy, blood loving creatures of hell to resemble.

A nice touch is how even though they are crawling around in the pitch black beneath the surfice, there is no frustration that you, the viewer, can't see. Which is one of my main issues when people are trying to give the impression of a scary situation, scenes are then filmed too dark and it's hard to stay in the moment. Even when it's dark and the girls can barely see, you can still sense their panic in other ways [like the flickering and fast movement of their light helments, for example].

This is just the kind of movie that proves the current formula that directors have been following to achieve 'scary' is not needed. This film kills it with no damsel in distress, no sex scenes, no underdog... just pure horror and top notch dialogue. Let's hear it for straight up blood and demons from the pits of hell. Congrats to Marshall for being able to follow up to Dog Soldiers without a single complaint from yours truly. Can't wait to see what he has up his sleeves with Doomsday, even if it's said he's taking a break from horror and venturing into the world of sci-fi, I'm positive it'll be fabulous.

I watched the uncut version that has a slightly different ending than the threatical release. I'd recommend going with the uncut.

Highly recommended.

j.

Severance by Christopher Smith [2006]

Title: Severance
Director: Christopher Smith
Starring: Danny Dyer, Laura Harris, Tim McInnerny
Runtime: 96 minutes
Year: 2006
Source: Blockbuster

Again, a movie that doesn't quite fit into one genre. And again, a damn good result. Take note, studios.

The basic gist is a sales team from a weapon distributing company goes on a little family vacation of sorts to build team spirit. They are expecting to come onto a luxery lodge, but after getting sidetracked by a fallen tree blocking the road and the bus driver taking the high road on foot, they end up at a rundown lodge. And not just any lodge, a lodge slammed pack with not-so-nice cyptic messages about the very company they all work for. After some shady occurances, they decide it's for their general health to get on out of there... only to find the bus driver dead in a near-by creek... oh noes, the horror! And yes, then the killing begins, but not without constant humour, to keep you both glued to the screen and pissing your pants laughing.

I'd say about 70% of this movie is pure comedy and about 30% horror, but it works so well that you don't quite get tired of either. The humour compliments the horror. The team behind this definitely didn't rely on cheap jokes to carry the carry the weight of the film, as the effects and horror scenes can keep up with the current heavy weights of the genre. Warning, however, is that about 3/4 of the way in, they just cut out the comedy department and turn the film strictly horror. Not the smoothest transition, one moments you are laughing at the well done comedy driven chase, the next moment it's like... oh.. no more laughing, eh? Ah, thanks for the heads up. That's it. The last 20 minutes or so is nothing but serious business, but it does work. Maybe it just caught me off guard? I went into watching this with no expectations, just saw the cover at Blockbuster and decided I need to see it.

Comedy? Horror? Who fucking cares. This movie is worth renting in my humble ass opinion.

Recommended.

j.

Martin By George A. Romero [1977]

Title: Martin
Director: George A. Romero
Starring: John Amplas, Lincoln Maazel, Christine Forrest
Runtime: 95 minutes
Year: 1977
Source: Generation X Video

Is this a vampire movie? Or a serial killer movie? Let's settle on it just being a damn good movie, regardless of it's label.

Martin is based on that of a young man with a non-stop lust for blood but has none of the fancy joys of being a stereotypical vampire. He pushes the fact that to be a vampire is simply to crave blood, no magic, no special perks, just an occasional need to suck back his pre-set beverage of choice.

The movie opens up with him doing just that. Getting the blood he urges without all the other aspects of being a vampire that'd make the task at hand that much easier. Granted, there is no safety net for the rest of us either- as crosses, garlic, and other such defenses are completely useless. Overtime it seems he's come to perfect, at least to some degree, how to get his choosen beautiful victims to lay lifeless while he takes the very life from them. Right from the opening scene it becomes quite clear this is also an intimate act of 'love' for him.

This movie is one of my favourite Romero movies, if not for the instant interest the viewer will get for Martin, but also the human aspect of it. This film is more serial killer than fantasy vampire - you can't help but feel more for Martin for being this socially awkward young boy than for the victims. The rest of the main characters are also easy to warm up too. His elderly cousin, a somewhat mad man deadset on saving Martin's soul, initially makes it seem possible that Martin is only the the way he is from years of being told he's a "nosferatu". As time goes on, Martin starts to open up more and befriends Christina [Christine Forest], a same aged, female relative and also starts to enjoy 'sexy time' with an awake and willing older woman. A nice bit of comic relief is when Martin starts calling in to his favourite radio show to talk about the ups and downs of being a vampire and to dismiss the long list of inaccurate myths made popular by movies.

The way Romero went about this movie using black and white clips tossed in to show the past was pure cinematic genius and set the right tone for the movie. There is no big climax, no huge drawn out battle [like typical vampire movies], the overall movie and ending is what one would expect from Romero. The casting is perfect, John Amplas played the role of Martin right on point, and you start to belief there is no way this outcast could perform such tasks, even while he is acting on his bloody urges right before your eyes.

Highly recommended.

j.

The Card Player by Dario Argento [2004]

Title: The Card Player [Il Cartaio]
Director: Dario Argento
Staring: Stefania Rocca, Liam Cunningham, Silvio Muccino
Runtime: 103 minutes
Year: 2004
Source: Generation X Video

Being Dario Argento must be a tough job, you go and release prime examples of horror at it's best repeatedly and then the world expects nothing but the best. And then you release The Card Player and well, mommy always said if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

Well, actually. To be Argento would kind of rule, and I've never really been all that polite.

This release would rate decently on the overall scale if it didn't come with such high expectations. Ok, I lied. It would still fail miserably. I'd like to be able to say everything started out ok, but that would even be stretching it. Right from the get go the movie was going downhill with the lackluster dialogue and a less than stellar plot. On a positive note the dead bodies are flawless on the realisitc side of things and completely cringe worthy but aside from the special effects team, nothing worth paying attention to. I guess when you focus your entire movie around an internet poker game of killer vs. police and a small webcam zeroing in on only the face of the victim, it's bound to fail in the attention grabbing department. We don't actually see much, really, aside from a poorly designed web based game. The end does come with a few predictable twists and the emphasis on parts of conversations made it quite obvious that certain elements of the characters would be tied in at the end. I'd never think I'd be this disappointed by Argento. Maybe it's time he stand back, even temporary, from the genre he laid a hand in creating before making little boys and girls like myself cry in all the wrong ways.

Not recommended.

j.

Right to Die by Rob Schmidt [2007]

Title: Right to Die [Masters of Horror series]
Director: Rob Schmidt
Staring: Martin Donovan, Julia Anderson, and Corbin Bernsen
Runtime: 58 minutes
Year: 2007
Source: Generation X Video

When it comes to the Masters of Horror series the film will usually either be great or terrible, not so much in the middle ground department. Prior to watching this film I was trying to think of where else I've seen Rob Schmidt's work and could only come up with Wrong Turn [Google confirmed it]. I remember seeing that movie in theaters, but I don't remember being all that impressed with it.

But Wrong Turn is no indication of what Schmidt is capable of. Basically this film is about a couple Cliff [Martin Donovan] and Abby [Julia Anderson] who after a bit of a marital dispute end up getting into a car wreck. Cliff leaves with barely a scratch while Abby's body is entirely burned and is in a coma unable to wake. Abby starts randomly showing up both as her beautiful self and as her hard to watch burned self to torment Cliff. It becomes obvious right from the get go that the dispute between the two is clearly the result of a gold digging gal making for one predictable love triangle. Add in the pressure of Cliff needing to decide whether to pull the plug [at the urging of his slick lawyer] or the keep her on life support [as his rather bland mother-in-law insists]. Twists and turns make this movie anything but predictable. The first seen between post-accident Abby and Cliff is worth watching twice.

The beginning of the movie seems a bit all over the place but it's rather easy to piece together and eventually all ties together. The effects are amazing when it comes to Abby as the burn victim both when undergoing medical treatments and terrorizing that husband of hers. Unfortunately when it gets to the gore of the movie, it falls flat. I can't help but get the feeling that all this energy is spent on the reality side of things, but when it gets to the gore bloodbath parts, something seems to be lacking. Granted, the twists in this movie are surprising and I actually really enjoyed it. I'll be watching out for future releases from Schmidt.

Recommended.

j.

An introduction of sorts.

[This blog is going to be a non-stop-horror-movie-watching-documenting-machine. Before we get to the good stuff, why not start at the beginning?]

Like most kids growing up in the early to mid 90's, tv and movies simply consisted of watching Animaniacs saturday morning during breakfest and then outside you go. All while mommy dearest made it a mission of hers to keep over eager eyes away from gore, horror, or anything Bugs Bunny wouldn't approve of. While my older sister would spend her evenings with friends watching Freddy and Micheal have their way with teenages. At the time I'd much rather keep myself busy playing Duck Hunt or Donkey Kong then care what was actually going on in these high pitched scream fest movies.


One weekend night [during 3rd grade] while my sister was babysitting me, I stayed awake and watched a new release, the film being Wes Craven's The People Under The Stairs. Initially I was quite bored and didn't really watch much, but once the movie caught my attention, I was hooked. As soon as I went to bed non-stop thoughts of having my tongue cut out and being forced to live under the stairs of our apartment complex made it a pretty sleepless night.

The next day all I could do was share the scary scenes with my little crew at the time. Backed with tales of this movie (some exaggerated, I'm sure) we made it a mission to watch it again and anything else remotely scary for a couple of grade school kids. Within no time Freddy and Micheal soon became our friends, Are You Afraid of The Dark? and Tales from the Crypt soon replaced Full House and Boy Meets World. Comic books, graphic novels, and every Goosebumps paperback the library had in stock was now apart of our daily routine.

Although that level of scare was not quite top notch horror, it definitely paved the way for a bunch of kids to fall in love with the horror genre. As we progressed into high school, so did our progression into cult classics and films from various budgets, directors, and countries. Weekends were based around who could get what video from where and finding new titles was never really much of a challenge. As graduation came and gone, so did these weekends.

So now, years later my taste in entertainment may of opened up but that overall love for horror has never went away. Only recently have I been on movie watching marathons like I did back in high school, so why not document it this time around? I've been watching anywhere from 2-5 horror movies a week, some top notch- some complete stinkers.

I'm no expert and am not quite down for serving up polished reviews as this is more for personal record. Any recommendations for titles, directors, or anything related- feel free to pass on.

j.

"Horror by definition is the emotion of pure revulsion. Terror by the same standard is that of fearful anticipation" - Dario Argento